diff --git a/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenDiagnostics.java b/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenDiagnostics.java
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..be5fefe6a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenDiagnostics.java
@@ -0,0 +1,43 @@
+/*
+ * Iris is a World Generator for Minecraft Bukkit Servers
+ * Copyright (c) 2022 Arcane Arts (Volmit Software)
+ *
+ * This program is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify
+ * it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by
+ * the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or
+ * (at your option) any later version.
+ *
+ * This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful,
+ * but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of
+ * MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE.  See the
+ * GNU General Public License for more details.
+ *
+ * You should have received a copy of the GNU General Public License
+ * along with this program.  If not, see <https://www.gnu.org/licenses/>.
+ */
+
+package art.arcane.iris.core.pregenerator;
+
+import art.arcane.iris.spi.IrisLogging;
+
+public final class PregenDiagnostics {
+    private PregenDiagnostics() {
+    }
+
+    public static void probeFailed(String probe, Throwable failure) {
+        IrisLogging.debug("Pregen probe " + describeProbe(probe) + " failed: " + describeFailure(failure));
+    }
+
+    public static String describeProbe(String probe) {
+        return probe == null || probe.isBlank() ? "unnamed" : probe;
+    }
+
+    public static String describeFailure(Throwable failure) {
+        if (failure == null) {
+            return "no throwable reported";
+        }
+
+        String message = failure.getMessage();
+        return message == null ? failure.getClass().getName() : failure.getClass().getName() + ": " + message;
+    }
+}
diff --git a/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenMantleBackpressure.java b/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenMantleBackpressure.java
index 39152f161..2df82795d 100644
--- a/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenMantleBackpressure.java
+++ b/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenMantleBackpressure.java
@@ -170,7 +170,8 @@ public final class PregenMantleBackpressure {
 
         try {
             return cancelled.getAsBoolean();
-        } catch (Throwable ignored) {
+        } catch (Throwable e) {
+            PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("pregen cancellation state", e);
             return false;
         }
     }
@@ -178,7 +179,8 @@ public final class PregenMantleBackpressure {
     private Mantle resolveMantle() {
         try {
             return mantleSupplier.get();
-        } catch (Throwable ignored) {
+        } catch (Throwable e) {
+            PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("mantle handle for backpressure", e);
             return null;
         }
     }
diff --git a/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/methods/AsyncPregenMethod.java b/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/methods/AsyncPregenMethod.java
index 399eee3d6..811b5f285 100644
--- a/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/methods/AsyncPregenMethod.java
+++ b/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/methods/AsyncPregenMethod.java
@@ -22,6 +22,7 @@ import art.arcane.iris.spi.IrisLogging;
 import art.arcane.iris.core.IrisPaperLikeBackendMode;
 import art.arcane.iris.core.IrisRuntimeSchedulerMode;
 import art.arcane.iris.core.IrisSettings;
+import art.arcane.iris.core.pregenerator.PregenDiagnostics;
 import art.arcane.iris.core.pregenerator.PregenListener;
 import art.arcane.iris.core.pregenerator.PregenMantleBackpressure;
 import art.arcane.iris.core.pregenerator.PregeneratorMethod;
@@ -212,7 +213,8 @@ public class AsyncPregenMethod implements PregeneratorMethod {
             if (coreThreads instanceof Thread[] threadsArray) {
                 return threadsArray.length;
             }
-        } catch (Throwable ignored) {
+        } catch (Throwable e) {
+            PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("moonrise worker pool size", e);
         }
 
         return -1;
@@ -238,7 +240,8 @@ public class AsyncPregenMethod implements PregeneratorMethod {
             int resolved = radius > 0 ? Math.max(1, (int) Math.ceil(radius / 32.0)) : 2;
             evictionWindowRegions = resolved;
             return resolved;
-        } catch (Throwable ignored) {
+        } catch (Throwable e) {
+            PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("mantle radius for eviction window", e);
             return 2;
         }
     }
@@ -431,7 +434,9 @@ public class AsyncPregenMethod implements PregeneratorMethod {
     private void unloadChunkSafely(int cx, int cz) {
         try {
             world.removePluginChunkTicket(cx, cz, BukkitPlatform.plugin());
-        } catch (Throwable ignored) {
+        } catch (Throwable e) {
+            IrisLogging.reportError("Async pregen could not release the plugin chunk ticket at " + cx + "," + cz
+                    + " in world " + world.getName() + "; the chunk stays pinned in memory.", e);
         }
 
         try {
@@ -492,11 +497,12 @@ public class AsyncPregenMethod implements PregeneratorMethod {
     }
 
     private Chunk onChunkFutureFailure(int x, int z, Throwable throwable) {
-        try {
-            IrisLogging.warn("Failed async pregen chunk load at " + x + "," + z + ". " + metricsSnapshot());
+        IrisLogging.reportError("Failed async pregen chunk load at " + x + "," + z + ".", throwable);
 
-            IrisLogging.reportError(throwable);
+        try {
+            IrisLogging.warn("Async pregen state at the failed chunk " + x + "," + z + ". " + metricsSnapshot());
         } catch (Throwable e) {
+            PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("pregen metrics snapshot", e);
         }
 
         return null;
@@ -738,7 +744,9 @@ public class AsyncPregenMethod implements PregeneratorMethod {
         if (engine != null) {
             try {
                 engine.getMantle().cleanupChunksCoveredBy(x, z, true, listener::onChunkCleaned);
-            } catch (Throwable ignored) {
+            } catch (Throwable e) {
+                IrisLogging.reportError("Async pregen mantle cleanup failed at chunk " + x + "," + z
+                        + " in world " + world.getName() + "; tectonic plates for that chunk stay resident.", e);
             }
         }
     }
@@ -759,7 +767,8 @@ public class AsyncPregenMethod implements PregeneratorMethod {
                 metricsEngine = resolvedEngine;
             }
             return resolvedEngine;
-        } catch (Throwable ignored) {
+        } catch (Throwable e) {
+            PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("engine access for world " + world.getName(), e);
             return null;
         }
     }
@@ -1094,7 +1103,9 @@ public class AsyncPregenMethod implements PregeneratorMethod {
                 requestMonitoredChunkAsync(x, z)
                         .whenComplete((chunk, throwable) -> completeChunk(x, z, listener, chunk, throwable));
                 return;
-            } catch (Throwable ignored) {
+            } catch (Throwable e) {
+                PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("folia direct chunk request at " + x + "," + z
+                        + ", falling back to a region task", e);
             }
 
             Runnable regionTask = () -> {
diff --git a/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/methods/MedievalPregenMethod.java b/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/methods/MedievalPregenMethod.java
index c56602aef..54f24d0ee 100644
--- a/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/methods/MedievalPregenMethod.java
+++ b/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/methods/MedievalPregenMethod.java
@@ -20,6 +20,7 @@ package art.arcane.iris.core.pregenerator.methods;
 
 import art.arcane.iris.core.IrisSettings;
 import art.arcane.iris.core.nms.INMS;
+import art.arcane.iris.core.pregenerator.PregenDiagnostics;
 import art.arcane.iris.core.pregenerator.PregenListener;
 import art.arcane.iris.core.pregenerator.PregeneratorMethod;
 import art.arcane.iris.core.tools.IrisToolbelt;
@@ -102,7 +103,8 @@ public class MedievalPregenMethod implements PregeneratorMethod {
             if (cached != null) {
                 cachedEngine = cached;
             }
-        } catch (Throwable ignored) {
+        } catch (Throwable e) {
+            PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("engine access for world " + world.getName(), e);
         }
         return cached;
     }
diff --git a/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/util/simd/SimdSupport.java b/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/util/simd/SimdSupport.java
index de41f882b..07347095a 100644
--- a/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/util/simd/SimdSupport.java
+++ b/core/src/main/java/art/arcane/iris/util/simd/SimdSupport.java
@@ -3,10 +3,15 @@ package art.arcane.iris.util.simd;
 import art.arcane.iris.spi.IrisLogging;
 import art.arcane.iris.core.IrisSettings;
 
+import java.util.concurrent.atomic.AtomicReference;
+
 public final class SimdSupport {
     private static final String VECTOR_MODULE = "jdk.incubator.vector";
     private static final boolean MODULE_PRESENT = ModuleLayer.boot().findModule(VECTOR_MODULE).isPresent();
+    private static final AtomicReference<Throwable> KERNEL_FAILURE = new AtomicReference<>();
+    private static final AtomicReference<Throwable> NOISE_KERNEL_FAILURE = new AtomicReference<>();
     private static final SimdKernels KERNELS = selectKernels();
+    private static final NoiseKernels2D NOISE_KERNELS_2D = selectNoiseKernels2D();
 
     private SimdSupport() {
     }
@@ -15,6 +20,10 @@ public final class SimdSupport {
         return KERNELS;
     }
 
+    public static NoiseKernels2D noiseKernels2D() {
+        return NOISE_KERNELS_2D;
+    }
+
     public static boolean isVectorModulePresent() {
         return MODULE_PRESENT;
     }
@@ -23,13 +32,75 @@ public final class SimdSupport {
         return !(KERNELS instanceof ScalarSimdKernels);
     }
 
+    public static Throwable kernelInitializationFailure() {
+        return KERNEL_FAILURE.get();
+    }
+
+    public static Throwable noiseKernelInitializationFailure() {
+        return NOISE_KERNEL_FAILURE.get();
+    }
+
+    public static String kernelStatus() {
+        return kernelStatus(isVectorized(), KERNELS.describe(), MODULE_PRESENT, KERNEL_FAILURE.get(), simdEnabledInSettings());
+    }
+
+    public static String noiseKernelStatus() {
+        return noiseKernelStatus(!(NOISE_KERNELS_2D instanceof ScalarNoiseKernels2D), NOISE_KERNELS_2D.describe(),
+                MODULE_PRESENT, NOISE_KERNEL_FAILURE.get(), simdEnabledInSettings());
+    }
+
+    static String kernelStatus(boolean vectorized, String description, boolean modulePresent, Throwable failure, boolean settingEnabled) {
+        if (vectorized) {
+            return "vector kernels enabled (" + description + ")";
+        }
+
+        if (!modulePresent) {
+            return "scalar kernels active; add --add-modules " + VECTOR_MODULE + " to JVM flags to enable vectorized generation kernels";
+        }
+
+        if (failure != null) {
+            return "scalar kernels active; vector kernel initialization failed: " + describe(failure);
+        }
+
+        if (!settingEnabled) {
+            return "vector kernels disabled (performance.simdKernels=false)";
+        }
+
+        return "scalar kernels active; the Vector API reported no usable vector shape on this CPU";
+    }
+
+    static String noiseKernelStatus(boolean vectorized, String description, boolean modulePresent, Throwable failure, boolean settingEnabled) {
+        if (vectorized) {
+            return "2D noise vector kernels enabled (" + description + ")";
+        }
+
+        if (!modulePresent) {
+            return "2D noise scalar kernels active; the " + VECTOR_MODULE + " module is not on this JVM";
+        }
+
+        if (failure != null) {
+            return "2D noise scalar kernels active; vector kernel initialization failed: " + describe(failure);
+        }
+
+        if (!settingEnabled) {
+            return "2D noise vector kernels disabled (performance.simdKernels=false)";
+        }
+
+        return "2D noise scalar kernels active; this CPU has fewer than the 4 double lanes the vector kernel needs to pay for itself";
+    }
+
     public static void install() {
-        if (isVectorized()) {
-            IrisLogging.info("SIMD: vector kernels enabled (" + KERNELS.describe() + ")");
-        } else if (!MODULE_PRESENT) {
-            IrisLogging.info("SIMD: scalar kernels active; add --add-modules " + VECTOR_MODULE + " to JVM flags to enable vectorized generation kernels");
-        } else {
-            IrisLogging.info("SIMD: vector kernels disabled (performance.simdKernels=false)");
+        IrisLogging.info("SIMD: " + kernelStatus());
+        IrisLogging.info("SIMD: " + noiseKernelStatus());
+
+        Throwable failure = KERNEL_FAILURE.get();
+        if (failure != null) {
+            IrisLogging.reportError("Iris could not initialize its Vector API kernels; generation runs on the scalar kernels instead.", failure);
+        }
+
+        Throwable noiseFailure = NOISE_KERNEL_FAILURE.get();
+        if (noiseFailure != null) {
+            IrisLogging.reportError("Iris could not initialize its Vector API 2D noise kernels; noise runs on the scalar kernels instead.", noiseFailure);
         }
     }
 
@@ -41,6 +112,25 @@ public final class SimdSupport {
         try {
             return (SimdKernels) Class.forName("art.arcane.iris.util.simd.VectorSimdKernels").getDeclaredConstructor().newInstance();
         } catch (Throwable e) {
+            KERNEL_FAILURE.set(e);
+            return null;
+        }
+    }
+
+    public static NoiseKernels2D createVectorNoiseKernels2D() {
+        if (!MODULE_PRESENT) {
+            return null;
+        }
+
+        try {
+            Class<?> cls = Class.forName("art.arcane.iris.util.simd.VectorNoiseKernels2D");
+            boolean profitable = (boolean) cls.getMethod("profitable").invoke(null);
+            if (!profitable) {
+                return null;
+            }
+            return (NoiseKernels2D) cls.getDeclaredConstructor().newInstance();
+        } catch (Throwable e) {
+            NOISE_KERNEL_FAILURE.set(e);
             return null;
         }
     }
@@ -54,36 +144,25 @@ public final class SimdSupport {
         return vector == null ? new ScalarSimdKernels() : vector;
     }
 
-    private static final NoiseKernels2D NOISE_KERNELS_2D = selectNoiseKernels2D();
-
-    public static NoiseKernels2D noiseKernels2D() {
-        return NOISE_KERNELS_2D;
-    }
-
-    public static NoiseKernels2D createVectorNoiseKernels2D() {
-        if (!MODULE_PRESENT) {
-            return null;
-        }
-        try {
-            Class<?> cls = Class.forName("art.arcane.iris.util.simd.VectorNoiseKernels2D");
-            boolean profitable = (boolean) cls.getMethod("profitable").invoke(null);
-            if (!profitable) {
-                return null;
-            }
-            return (NoiseKernels2D) cls.getDeclaredConstructor().newInstance();
-        } catch (Throwable e) {
-            return null;
-        }
-    }
-
     private static NoiseKernels2D selectNoiseKernels2D() {
         if (!simdEnabledInSettings()) {
             return new ScalarNoiseKernels2D();
         }
+
         NoiseKernels2D vector = createVectorNoiseKernels2D();
         return vector == null ? new ScalarNoiseKernels2D() : vector;
     }
 
+    private static String describe(Throwable failure) {
+        Throwable root = failure;
+        while (root.getCause() != null && root.getCause() != root) {
+            root = root.getCause();
+        }
+
+        String message = root.getMessage();
+        return message == null ? root.getClass().getName() : root.getClass().getName() + ": " + message;
+    }
+
     private static boolean simdEnabledInSettings() {
         try {
             return IrisSettings.get().getPerformance().isSimdKernels();
diff --git a/core/src/test/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenDiagnosticsTest.java b/core/src/test/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenDiagnosticsTest.java
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..e2805bb57
--- /dev/null
+++ b/core/src/test/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenDiagnosticsTest.java
@@ -0,0 +1,84 @@
+package art.arcane.iris.core.pregenerator;
+
+import art.arcane.iris.spi.IrisPlatform;
+import art.arcane.iris.spi.IrisPlatforms;
+import art.arcane.iris.spi.LogLevel;
+import org.junit.After;
+import org.junit.Before;
+import org.junit.Test;
+import org.mockito.ArgumentMatchers;
+
+import java.util.ArrayList;
+import java.util.List;
+
+import static org.junit.Assert.assertEquals;
+import static org.junit.Assert.assertTrue;
+import static org.mockito.Mockito.doAnswer;
+import static org.mockito.Mockito.mock;
+
+public class PregenDiagnosticsTest {
+    private final List<String> emitted = new ArrayList<>();
+    private final List<LogLevel> levels = new ArrayList<>();
+    private IrisPlatform previousPlatform;
+
+    @Before
+    public void captureLog() {
+        previousPlatform = IrisPlatforms.isBound() ? IrisPlatforms.get() : null;
+        IrisPlatforms.unbind();
+        emitted.clear();
+        levels.clear();
+        IrisPlatform platform = mock(IrisPlatform.class);
+        doAnswer(invocation -> {
+            levels.add(invocation.getArgument(0, LogLevel.class));
+            emitted.add(invocation.getArgument(1, String.class));
+            return null;
+        }).when(platform).log(ArgumentMatchers.any(LogLevel.class), ArgumentMatchers.anyString());
+        IrisPlatforms.bind(platform);
+    }
+
+    @After
+    public void restorePlatform() {
+        IrisPlatforms.unbind();
+        if (previousPlatform != null) {
+            IrisPlatforms.bind(previousPlatform);
+        }
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void aFailedProbeReportsItsNameClassAndMessageAtDebug() {
+        PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("moonrise worker pool size", new IllegalStateException("no such field"));
+
+        assertEquals(1, emitted.size());
+        assertEquals(LogLevel.DEBUG, levels.get(0));
+        assertTrue(emitted.get(0), emitted.get(0).contains("moonrise worker pool size"));
+        assertTrue(emitted.get(0), emitted.get(0).contains(IllegalStateException.class.getName()));
+        assertTrue(emitted.get(0), emitted.get(0).contains("no such field"));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void aThrowableWithNoMessageStillReportsItsClass() {
+        PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("engine access", new NoClassDefFoundError());
+
+        assertEquals(1, emitted.size());
+        assertTrue(emitted.get(0), emitted.get(0).contains(NoClassDefFoundError.class.getName()));
+        assertTrue(emitted.get(0), emitted.get(0).contains("engine access"));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void aMissingProbeNameAndThrowableStillProduceAReadableLine() {
+        PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed(null, null);
+
+        assertEquals(1, emitted.size());
+        assertTrue(emitted.get(0), emitted.get(0).contains("unnamed"));
+        assertTrue(emitted.get(0), emitted.get(0).contains("no throwable reported"));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void percentSignsInAProbeNameAreNotTreatedAsFormatSpecifiers() {
+        PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("heap at 95% headroom", new IllegalArgumentException("bad %s value"));
+
+        assertEquals(1, emitted.size());
+        assertTrue(emitted.get(0), emitted.get(0).contains("heap at 95% headroom"));
+        assertTrue(emitted.get(0), emitted.get(0).contains("bad %s value"));
+    }
+}
diff --git a/core/src/test/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenSilentFailureContractTest.java b/core/src/test/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenSilentFailureContractTest.java
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..495ae768f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/core/src/test/java/art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenSilentFailureContractTest.java
@@ -0,0 +1,136 @@
+package art.arcane.iris.core.pregenerator;
+
+import org.junit.Test;
+
+import java.io.IOException;
+import java.net.URISyntaxException;
+import java.nio.file.Files;
+import java.nio.file.Path;
+import java.util.ArrayList;
+import java.util.List;
+import java.util.stream.Stream;
+
+import static org.junit.Assert.assertEquals;
+import static org.junit.Assert.assertTrue;
+
+public class PregenSilentFailureContractTest {
+    @Test
+    public void noPregenSourceSwallowsAThrowableWithoutSayingAnything() throws IOException {
+        List<String> offenders = new ArrayList<>();
+        Path pregenRoot = sourceRoot().resolve("art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator");
+        try (Stream<Path> sources = Files.walk(pregenRoot)) {
+            for (Path source : sources.filter(path -> path.toString().endsWith(".java")).toList()) {
+                String text = Files.readString(source);
+                if (text.contains("catch (Throwable ignored)") || text.contains("catch (Exception ignored)")) {
+                    offenders.add(source.getFileName().toString());
+                }
+            }
+        }
+
+        assertEquals("silent catches on the pregen path: " + offenders, List.of(), offenders);
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void mantleCleanupFailureIsReportedWithItsStackTrace() throws IOException {
+        String cleanup = method(read("art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/methods/AsyncPregenMethod.java"),
+                "private void cleanupMantleChunksCoveredBy(");
+
+        assertTrue(cleanup, cleanup.contains("IrisLogging.reportError("));
+        assertTrue(cleanup, cleanup.contains("catch (Throwable e)"));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void aStrandedPluginChunkTicketIsReportedWithItsStackTrace() throws IOException {
+        String unload = method(read("art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/methods/AsyncPregenMethod.java"),
+                "private void unloadChunkSafely(");
+
+        assertTrue(unload, unload.contains("removePluginChunkTicket"));
+        assertEquals(unload, 2, countOccurrences(unload, "IrisLogging.reportError("));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void capabilityProbesLogThroughTheNamedDebugHelperRatherThanReportingErrors() throws IOException {
+        String async = read("art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/methods/AsyncPregenMethod.java");
+
+        assertTrue(method(async, "private int resolveWorkerPoolThreads()").contains("PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("));
+        assertTrue(method(async, "private int evictionWindow()").contains("PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("));
+        assertTrue(method(async, "private Engine resolveMetricsEngine()").contains("PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void theFoliaSubmitFallbackNamesTheFailureItIsFallingBackFrom() throws IOException {
+        String executor = method(read("art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/methods/AsyncPregenMethod.java"),
+                "private class FoliaRegionExecutor");
+
+        assertTrue(executor, executor.contains("PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("));
+        assertTrue(executor, executor.contains("falling back to a region task"));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void backpressureProbesAnnounceWhyTheyFellBack() throws IOException {
+        String backpressure = read("art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/PregenMantleBackpressure.java");
+
+        assertTrue(method(backpressure, "private boolean isCancelled()").contains("PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("));
+        assertTrue(method(backpressure, "private Mantle resolveMantle()").contains("PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void medievalEngineResolutionAnnouncesWhyItFellBack() throws IOException {
+        String medieval = read("art/arcane/iris/core/pregenerator/methods/MedievalPregenMethod.java");
+
+        assertTrue(method(medieval, "private Engine resolveEngine()").contains("PregenDiagnostics.probeFailed("));
+    }
+
+    private static int countOccurrences(String text, String needle) {
+        int count = 0;
+        int index = text.indexOf(needle);
+        while (index >= 0) {
+            count++;
+            index = text.indexOf(needle, index + needle.length());
+        }
+        return count;
+    }
+
+    private static Path sourceRoot() throws IOException {
+        Path current;
+        try {
+            current = Path.of(PregenSilentFailureContractTest.class.getProtectionDomain()
+                    .getCodeSource()
+                    .getLocation()
+                    .toURI());
+        } catch (URISyntaxException e) {
+            throw new IOException("Unable to resolve the core source root", e);
+        }
+        while (current != null && !Files.isDirectory(current.resolve("src/main/java"))) {
+            current = current.getParent();
+        }
+        if (current == null) {
+            throw new IOException("Unable to locate the core source root");
+        }
+        return current.resolve("src/main/java");
+    }
+
+    private static String read(String relativePath) throws IOException {
+        return Files.readString(sourceRoot().resolve(relativePath));
+    }
+
+    private static String method(String source, String signature) {
+        int start = source.indexOf(signature);
+        assertTrue("Missing source contract signature: " + signature, start >= 0);
+        int openBrace = source.indexOf('{', start);
+        assertTrue("Missing source contract method body: " + signature, openBrace >= 0);
+        int depth = 0;
+        for (int index = openBrace; index < source.length(); index++) {
+            char current = source.charAt(index);
+            if (current == '{') {
+                depth++;
+            } else if (current == '}') {
+                depth--;
+                if (depth == 0) {
+                    return source.substring(start, index + 1);
+                }
+            }
+        }
+        throw new IllegalArgumentException("Unclosed source contract method: " + signature);
+    }
+}
diff --git a/core/src/test/java/art/arcane/iris/util/simd/SimdSupportStatusTest.java b/core/src/test/java/art/arcane/iris/util/simd/SimdSupportStatusTest.java
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..20a0cc2c7
--- /dev/null
+++ b/core/src/test/java/art/arcane/iris/util/simd/SimdSupportStatusTest.java
@@ -0,0 +1,116 @@
+package art.arcane.iris.util.simd;
+
+import art.arcane.iris.core.IrisSettings;
+import art.arcane.iris.spi.IrisPlatform;
+import art.arcane.iris.spi.IrisPlatforms;
+import art.arcane.iris.spi.LogLevel;
+import org.junit.After;
+import org.junit.Before;
+import org.junit.Test;
+import org.mockito.ArgumentMatchers;
+
+import java.util.ArrayList;
+import java.util.List;
+
+import static org.junit.Assert.assertFalse;
+import static org.junit.Assert.assertTrue;
+import static org.mockito.Mockito.doAnswer;
+import static org.mockito.Mockito.mock;
+
+public class SimdSupportStatusTest {
+    private final List<String> emitted = new ArrayList<>();
+    private IrisPlatform previousPlatform;
+    private IrisSettings previousSettings;
+
+    @Before
+    public void captureLog() {
+        previousSettings = IrisSettings.settings;
+        IrisSettings.settings = new IrisSettings();
+        previousPlatform = IrisPlatforms.isBound() ? IrisPlatforms.get() : null;
+        IrisPlatforms.unbind();
+        emitted.clear();
+        IrisPlatform platform = mock(IrisPlatform.class);
+        doAnswer(invocation -> {
+            emitted.add(invocation.getArgument(1, String.class));
+            return null;
+        }).when(platform).log(ArgumentMatchers.any(LogLevel.class), ArgumentMatchers.anyString());
+        IrisPlatforms.bind(platform);
+    }
+
+    @After
+    public void restorePlatform() {
+        IrisPlatforms.unbind();
+        if (previousPlatform != null) {
+            IrisPlatforms.bind(previousPlatform);
+        }
+        IrisSettings.settings = previousSettings;
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void anInitializationFailureIsNamedInsteadOfBlamingTheSetting() {
+        String status = SimdSupport.kernelStatus(false, "scalar", true,
+                new ExceptionInInitializerError(new UnsupportedOperationException("no vector shape")), true);
+
+        assertFalse(status, status.contains("performance.simdKernels=false"));
+        assertTrue(status, status.contains(UnsupportedOperationException.class.getName()));
+        assertTrue(status, status.contains("no vector shape"));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void anInitializationFailureOutranksADisabledSettingBecauseADisabledSettingNeverAttempts() {
+        String status = SimdSupport.kernelStatus(false, "scalar", true, new LinkageError("bad class"), false);
+
+        assertTrue(status, status.contains("bad class"));
+        assertFalse(status, status.contains("performance.simdKernels=false"));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void aDisabledSettingIsReportedOnlyWhenNothingFailed() {
+        String status = SimdSupport.kernelStatus(false, "scalar", true, null, false);
+
+        assertTrue(status, status.contains("performance.simdKernels=false"));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void anAbsentVectorModuleIsReportedWithTheJvmFlagThatFixesIt() {
+        String status = SimdSupport.kernelStatus(false, "scalar", false, null, true);
+
+        assertTrue(status, status.contains("--add-modules jdk.incubator.vector"));
+        assertFalse(status, status.contains("performance.simdKernels=false"));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void anEnabledVectorKernelReportsItsShapeAndNoRemedy() {
+        String status = SimdSupport.kernelStatus(true, "4x64-bit lanes, S_256_BIT", true, null, true);
+
+        assertTrue(status, status.contains("4x64-bit lanes, S_256_BIT"));
+        assertFalse(status, status.contains("scalar kernels active"));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void aNarrowCpuIsReportedAsUnprofitableRatherThanDisabled() {
+        String status = SimdSupport.noiseKernelStatus(false, "scalar", true, null, true);
+
+        assertTrue(status, status.contains("4 double lanes"));
+        assertFalse(status, status.contains("performance.simdKernels=false"));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void installStatesTheLiveKernelSelectionForBothKernelSets() {
+        SimdSupport.install();
+
+        assertTrue(emitted.toString(), emitted.size() >= 2);
+        assertTrue(emitted.toString(), emitted.contains("SIMD: " + SimdSupport.kernelStatus()));
+        assertTrue(emitted.toString(), emitted.contains("SIMD: " + SimdSupport.noiseKernelStatus()));
+    }
+
+    @Test
+    public void theLiveStatusNeverBlamesTheSettingWhileSimdKernelsAreEnabled() {
+        if (!IrisSettings.get().getPerformance().isSimdKernels()) {
+            return;
+        }
+
+        assertFalse(SimdSupport.kernelStatus(), SimdSupport.kernelStatus().contains("performance.simdKernels=false"));
+        assertFalse(SimdSupport.noiseKernelStatus(), SimdSupport.noiseKernelStatus().contains("performance.simdKernels=false"));
+    }
+}